


Super Hot Fantasies And Corn On The Cob Discourse

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blowbang, Cunnilingus, F/M, Face Sitting, M/M, Oral Sex, Podfic Welcome, Polyamory, Rainbow Strap On, Spitroasting, Strap-Ons, Threesome - F/M/M, Throat Bulge, blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 08:53:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17422778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: "I think it’s less like spit roasting, and more like those corn on the cob skewer things. You know, the ones that keep your fingers from getting buttery."Sara, Shane, and Ryan go to a sex shop, and end up discussing fantasies. Among other things.





	Super Hot Fantasies And Corn On The Cob Discourse

**Author's Note:**

> I love my beta reader Cinco from the very bottom of my withered soul. Thank you for all the help with this fic! <3

Shane Madej stood in front of a sex shop, trying to look inconspicuous. It wasn't an easy thing to do, exactly - he had long ago accepted that he would almost always be the tallest guy in any given situation, and that his... unique facial features made him stand out. But it was one thing to be a head above everyone else at an office party, and a totally different to be... well, standing in front of a sex shop. 

Sara didn't look nervous, but she'd been here before. And she didn't stick out like he did. 

Ryan looked faintly uncomfortable, but that seemed to be Ryan's default state. Was this a new sort of anxiety, or just the usual "oh god why" that seemed to be going through Ryan's mind most of the time?

...Shane was stalling. He knew he was stalling. He didn't know why. So he turned to Sara: "Remind me why we're doing this?"

"I need a new strap-on harness," Sara said, "and I got that coupon from the Ladylike gals. I've never been one to let a coupon go to waste."

"What happened to the old harness?" Ryan sounded calm, at least, even if he was shifting from foot to foot and had his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans. 

"It was homemade and it kinda got destroyed in the wash," said Sara, as the three of them made their way towards the entrance.

"How do you _make_ a harness?" Ryan looked intrigued.

"By stealing a pair of my underwear," Shane groused, although there wasn't much rancor in it. 

"Oh, shush," said Sara. "I asked first!"

"You made a harness... with Shane's underwear?" Ryan looked confused.

"I looked up a tutorial online," said Sara. "You just need to cut open the crotch of a pair of boxer briefs or just briefs, you cut a hole in the center, sew in one of those silicone cock rings, and voila!" She made a little flourish with her hands.

Shane snorted, his expression fond. 

"Did it, uh... did it work? Did it work well?" Ryan looked interested and more than a little embarrassed.

"It worked pretty well," Sara said. "But I want to get a nicer one."

"Right," said Ryan. "Um." He was blushing very hard. "So, uh, why are we here?"

"Well," said Sara, as they walked into the store, "I figured, since I've got the coupon, why not set you loose? You can get your own illicit delights."

"This place isn't exactly illicit," said Shane. If anything it looked like any other upscale, slightly fancy boutique. Not exactly the seedy sex shops of his youth. 

"And I'm a sex-positive person who probably shouldn't describe sexy things as "illicit" in the first place," Sara agreed. "But you get what I mean."

"So what, you're offering me a fleshlight or a dildo or something?" Ryan looked torn between interest and horror. It was remarkably similar to the look on his face when they were about to walk into a supposedly haunted location. 

...Shane was so going to rib Ryan about that, at a later date. 

"Pretty much, yep," said Sara, and she grinned and got up on her tiptoes to kiss each of them, just a little peck. Then she scampered off down one aisle, leaving them to stand there, looking faintly shell shocked. 

Ryan shot an embarrassed glance at Shane, but he was grinning a bit. "When Sara asked me to run a sexy errand with her, this wasn't exactly what I was thinking of," he told Shane.

"I've given up on trying to guess what Sara is planning," Shane told Ryan, beginning to stroll down an aisle of lube-stocked shelves. 

"Well... I guess I'll have to take up that attitude myself," Ryan said, and there was only a little bit of anxiety in his voice - _am I overstepping? Am I assuming?_ \- but Shane rested a hand on Ryan's shoulder and squeezed.

"It's the one that works the best," Shane said, and then he stopped walking and just... stared, because... well. 

They'd arrived at a wall of dildos. 

There was a table in front of the wall where all the different dildos were displayed - presumably you could pick them up, feel them, do whatever one did with a dildo that wasn't shoving it into a well-lubed orifice. Then there was the wall, with its shelves covered in boxes upon boxes of dildos. 

"Wow," said Ryan. "I didn't think they'd be so... colorful."

"It's the twenty-first century, Ryan," Shane scolded. "Why should we stick to flesh tones when we can have... well, everything else?" He walked up to the table, picking up a bright blue dildo. Its surface was very soft, but it had a dense core. Truth be told, it felt alarmingly like holding an actual penis. Only dry, smooth, and cold.

...Okay, so not exactly like holding an actual penis, but more like a penis than the usual chunk of silicone.

"Have you ever used one? A, uh, a dildo, I mean," said Ryan. 

"A few times," Shane allowed. There was something funny about them being so cagey about this - they'd literally had sex with each other less than a week ago. Shane's cock had been inside Ryan's ass. It wasn't as if they were blushing virgins.

And yet. 

All the sex toys set up on a table like gadgets in an Apple store seemed to make things weirdly _awkward_. Not necessarily in a bad way, but... still.

"They're neat," said Ryan, and then he cleared his throat. 

Sara came breezing over, holding a hanger with a dangling mass of black straps. "They're having a sale," she told them. 

"On what?" Shane put the blue dildo back on the table. It wobbled, just slightly, like a plate of Jello in an earthquake. 

"Dildos," Sara said cheerfully. "Choose one you like."

"Do we _need_ a new dildo?" Shane looked at the display of options. It was hard to imagine any of the assembled toys back home, but then again, Shane had never been good at that. He couldn't really picture a couch at the showroom sitting in his living room, either. 

"They're on sale," Sara pointed out. 

"This one looks neat," Ryan said, and he picked up a particularly garish toy. It was rainbow silicone. The head was red, and the suction cup under the balls was purple. In between, the shaft and balls filled in the rest of the spectrum. Shane was reminded, absurdly, of a Lifesaver popsicle. Apart from the color it was pretty realistic: there were veins, a foreskin, even wrinkles along the testicles. 

The combination was... well, it sure was something. 

"I never saw you as the rainbow-dildo type," said Shane. 

“I can have layers,” Ryan said, faintly defensive.

“So does the dildo,” Sara said cheerfully.

“I wouldn’t call those _layers_ , per se,” said Shane. “More like… levels.”

“It’s a good way of measuring how much of the thing is going in your ass,” Sara said. “I like how that works.”

“Do we need to measure it now?” Shane kept his tone mild, although his cock was already beginning to firm up in his chinos. The idea of the two of them just… taking notes on how deep he could take a cock, down his throat or up his ass. 

He had a thing for people being methodical. It was like the scientific method, only sexy.

“It could be neat,” said Ryan. “You do have a bit of a hard-on for clipboards.”

“Yeah,” said Shane, “because clipboards are _hot_ , thank you very much!” 

Ryan snorted. “You’re such a weirdo,” he said, curling his fingers through Shane’s belt loop. “Let’s get it.”

“Are you sure?” Shane was feeling _something_ in his stomach, although he was fucked if he knew what it was. Something like arousal, or maybe anxiety. 

The whole “triad” thing was still new, and the idea of the two of them ganging up on him made him feel… well, it sure made him feel a lot. 

“It _would_ go well with my new harness,” Sara pointed out. 

“Sara, it’s black,” said Shane. “Is there anything black doesn’t go with?” 

“It goes especially well with rainbow,” Sara countered.

“She’s right,” said Ryan, and he tugged on Shane’s belt loop. 

“I’m not going to win this argument, am I?” Shane sighed.

“Nope,” Ryan and Sara said at the same time.

Shane shrugged. “Oh well,” he said. “At least I know what I’m dealing with,” he added, philosophical as ever.

“You’ve been dealing with it for a while,” Sara said. “You just didn’t realize it yet.”

“Yeah, yeah,” said Shane, and he made a dismissive hand gesture. He was grinning.

* * *

It wasn’t until they were back in the car that Shane gathered up the guts to say something. “Would you, uh… would you want to try anything? With your new toy, I mean.” 

“Did you not find anything you’d like?” Sara’s tone was innocent.

“I can honestly say that anything that you guys are no doubt cooking up -”

“Why do you think we’re cooking things up?” Ryan interrupted. 

“Because I know you two,” Shane said. “You’re always planning _something_.”

Shane sat in the back seat, his elbows on his thighs and his chin in his hands. 

“You’re making me sound like some kind of pervert,” Ryan protested. 

“I mean...” said Shane, and he let it linger in the car like smoke.

Sara snickered from behind the wheel. 

“Well,” said Shane, “but I _did_ ask you a question.” 

“You did, didn’t you,” said Ryan. “I wouldn’t be opposed to Sara strapping on my new toy.”

“Is it _your_ new toy? I kinda lost track.” The image of Ryan fucking himself with that rainbow dildo slid into Shane’s mind, and oh, that was a nice image. 

“It is indeed,” said Ryan, and he only sounded a little bashful. “I mean, uh… if you’d be up for it, Sara.”

“I’d be up for it,” said Sara. “I’d be totally up for it. If by “it” we mean “spit-roasting Shane,” which is what I’m thinking of.”

“Would you count it as spit roasting, when it’s not going all the way through me?” Shane stared out the window, lost in the vagaries of language.

“...What?” Ryan sounded like he was trying not to start giggling. 

“You know, because if you were _properly_ spit-roasting me, wouldn’t it be all the way through me? Like… what’s that thing called… body flossing!” 

“That’s a _thing_?” Ryan turned around in his seat to stare at Shane, wide-eyed.

Shane grinned, delighted in spite of himself at Ryan’s scandalized expression. “You know it, baby,” he said. 

“What… how is that even _possible_?”

Ryan had turned around, but Shane could still see Ryan’s expression in his mind’s eye. 

Sara cackled, stopping at a stop sign to double up and try to catch her breath. 

“It’s not physically possible,” said Shane, “but… well, you know how some people like tentacles?” 

“...Oh god,” Ryan groaned, and slumped forward in his seat.

Sara laughed so hard that she was wheezing, and Shane put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it. 

“Breathe,” said Shane. 

Sara panted, still snickering. 

“I’m just saying,” Ryan said plaintively, “how would that even _work_?” 

“Well,” said Shane, “first you put the thing in the mouth -”

“You know what,” Ryan interrupted, “never mind.” 

“I think it’s less like spit roasting, and more like those corn on the cob skewer things,” said Sara, her tone thoughtful. “You know, the ones that keep your fingers from getting buttery.”

“Who cares if your fingers get buttery,” said Shane. “You lick it off afterwards.”

“You’re from the Midwest,” Ryan said, faintly scandalized. “Aren’t you supposed to be all about the manners?”

“No, I’m all about the emotional repression,” said Shane. “New Englanders are all about the manners.” 

“Oh,” said Ryan. 

“So what are you,” Sara said, glancing over at Ryan as she turned on her turn signal. “Team corn-cob skewer, or team licking butter off your fingers?”

“I just use a knife to scrape all of the kernels onto my plate,” said Ryan. 

“What,” said Shane. 

“That’s against all laws of gods and men,” Sara said, clearly offended by this culinary blasphemy.

“Yeah,” Ryan said cheerfully. “I always was a bit of a rule breaker!”

“Oh my god, Ryan,” said Shane, laughing and covering his face with both hands. How had they gone from suggesting a sexy threesome to arguing about the proper way to eat corn on the cob?

…The joys of polyamory. Or maybe just the joys of dating the two of them. 

“Hey, Shane?” Sara made another turn.

“Mmm?”

“Take a shower when we get home,” she said. 

“Any particular reason why I’m taking a shower?” Shane’s foot jiggled - he was full of more restless energy than he knew what to do with. 

“Because I want you to,” Sara said. 

“Fair enough, fair enough,” said Shane. “Any other requests?”

Sara made a few.

Shane pulled a face but he agreed, because… well. When someone is willing to do certain things to you, you should be willing to do certain things in return. 

Ryan, at least, kept the commentary to a minimum.

“Only for you two would I go to this much trouble,” Shane groused, but there wasn’t much grouse in it. 

“We know,” Ryan said, and he made eye contact in the mirror in the sun shade, smiling. His eyes crinkled up at the sides, and Shane’s heart beat a little faster. 

He was in love, wasn’t he? He knew he was being ridiculous, and yet. 

And yet.

* * *

“Go take a shower,” said Sara, when they were making their way back to the apartment. “You stink.”

Shane lifted an arm, sniffing under an arm. “Do I?” He didn’t smell anything, but then again, you couldn't always smell yourself. They’d talked about him showering, but it could help to double check. 

“No,” said Sara, “but it’s more polite to say ‘go take a shower’ than to say that you should go -”

“You don’t need to finish that sentence,” Shane said quickly. “I get the message.” 

“I love how perceptive you are,” Sara said brightly, standing on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek.

Ryan watched all of this with an amused expression. “You guys are better than stand-up comedy sometimes, y’know that?” 

"We do our best," Sara said, and she wrapped an arm around Ryan's waist and leaned her head on his shoulder.

Ryan's eyes darted from Shane's face to Sara's - he clearly wasn't sure what to expect. 

Of the three of them, Ryan was still the most cagey about the polyamory thing - maybe he was expecting Shane to get mad at him or something like that. 

Shane leaned in and deliberately kissed Ryan on the mouth. It was a loud, smacking kiss, and he rubbed their noses together - the kind of obnoxious, cutesy romantic shit that usually turned his stomach. 

Instead of pushing him away, Ryan laughed nervously but didn't move. "Are you trying to make me uncomfortable on purpose, or are you actually feeling lovey?" 

"Can't it be both?" Shane moved over to kiss Sara, first on the mouth and then a loud, showy kiss on the bridge of her nose. 

She wrinkled her nose, but grinned. "You're such a jerk," she said, her tone affectionate. 

"I do my best," Shane said, making his way towards the bathroom. There might have even been a bounce in his step. His cock was hard and trapped in his pants, sending little Morse code messages of desperation. 

So maybe he was excited. It was, at the very least, a distinct possibility. A very distinct possibility.

* * *

Shane performed various hygiene rituals, both common and esoteric. He ended up standing under the hot water at one point, just staring into the middle distance.

Maybe she just wanted him to be squeaky clean when they tried the new toy out. Or maybe she was planning something so nefarious that even Shane's own tricky mind couldn't weasel it out. Either way, it was probably going to be interesting. 

Things involving Sara and Ryan usually were. 

* * * 

Shane came out of the shower, pink and steamy. He was _much_ cleaner than usual, what with one thing and another. His hair was standing on end where he'd toweled it dry, and his skin was pink from the hot water. He had one towel wrapped around his waist and another around his shoulders. He wasn't sure how long he'd been in the bathroom, but when he walked into the living room, he found Sara and Ryan making out.

It was a pretty intense makeout, by the looks of it - Sara was straddling Ryan, and Ryan had lost his pants. Sara wasn't wearing any, either, although she _was_ wearing the strap-on harness. Was she wearing the dildo, too? They were kissing, deep and wet - Shane could hear the sounds of their lips pressing together, and occasionally a little moan or a sigh. Ryan's hands were out of sight - what were they doing? 

Shane's cock, which had calmed down a bit, started to get hard again. Although now he was facing an odd predicament: did he want to watch them? Did he want to just slide in and join them? Was there some kind of... precedent for this? What were the rules?

Luckily he was spotted by Ryan, who let go of Sara to grin at him. "Hey, big guy," he said. "Good shower?"

"I have reached levels of cleanliness that would rival a deity," Shane intoned. 

Ryan snorted. 

"You're not wearing pants," Shane said, indicating Ryan's jeans, which were in a pile on the floor by the couch.

"Yeah, they were getting in the way," said Sara, and then she flopped off of Ryan's lap to sprawl on the couch, as indolent as Obi in a sunbeam. The strap-on stood up between her legs, garishly colored and very stiff. 

Shane's eyes were drawn to it almost immediately, and his mouth began to water. When he glanced into Ryan's lap he saw the tip of Ryan's cock peeking out of the slot in his boxers, and his mouth watered some more. 

"You okay there, big guy?" Ryan's voice was rough, and a little lower than usual. His lips were red, shiny with spit.

"I'm great," Shane said, although his voice was coming from a long way off. 

"Shane," said Sara, "what do you want more than anything else right now?"

"I really want to suck you off," he said, because there is never a better time to be honest about feelings than when standing pretty much naked in your own living room.

"Well," said Sara, "I'm all for that. If you're offering. How about you, Ryan?"

"I'm sure I could fit it into my tight… schedule," said Ryan, and he was clearly trying to look suave. He mostly looked like he was trying not to burst out laughing. 

"Well?" Sara wrapped a hand around her strap-on, and it was the hottest thing that Shane had ever seen. 

...Okay, maybe he was exaggerating a little bit but it was hard to think, as horny as he was. 

Shane was on his knees in front of the couch before his brain had a chance to catch up. The towel had slid off of his waist, and his bare knees sunk into the soft carpet. His hands were on the insides of Sara's thighs - when had that happened? 

Sara's hand rested on the back of Shane's head, her fingers tugging on his wet hair. When Shane looked up at her, she grinned - it was close enough to a smirk that Shane wanted to say something, something biting and clever. Something to kill the mounting tension so that things would be more comfortable, less charged. 

Instead Shane kept eye contact, leaning forward and licking a stripe from the green section where the dildo slid into the harness all the way to where the little slit at the head was molded into the silicone. He kept his tongue out, but didn't do anything else, just maintained eye contact.

"It's not gonna suck itself," Sara said, and she rolled her hips forward a bit, rubbing the head of the dildo against Shane's cheek.

Shane shivered - that was a lot hotter than it had any right to be. He took the head of Sara's cock into his mouth and sucked on it. He did it sloppily, drool already beginning to go down his chin, and he hollowed his cheeks out as his eyes fluttered closed. It didn't taste especially one way or another - it was silicone. It tasted like silicone. But the weight of it on his tongue was comforting, and the fullness in his mouth made the tension leave his shoulders. 

"God," Ryan said, and his voice was thick. "Fuck, that's... wow." 

"He looks amazing with a cock in his mouth, doesn't he?" Sara's tone was casual, but her hand was heavy on the back of Shane's head. "It's like he was made for it."

Shane shuddered and took Sara's cock in deeper, the orange and yellow disappearing until his lips were ringed around the green. His tongue was tracing the molded veins, and his throat was trying to constrict.He was going to gag, if he wasn't careful. 

"Do you want to feel it?" Sara's voice was quieter - Shane almost couldn't hear it over the beating of his heart. 

Shane opened his mouth a little wider and took a deep breath. There was a tiny bit of blue peeking out around the base of the harness, under the fabric of it. He took another deep breath, put his hands on Sara's hips. He pulled her closer to him until his lips pressed against the blue. The silicone cock was completely down his throat, and he swallowed around it, wishing that Sara could feel it. It was so wet - tears were dripping out of the corners of his eyes, and there was a veritable river of drool going down his chin and running down his chest, a line of cold along his collarbone.

"I always want to feel Shane's mouth," Ryan said, and then his hand joined Sara's on the back of Shane's head, forcing him to take Sara's cock a little deeper until the base of the dildo was pressed against his chin, the silicone testicles hard. "He's the best cocksucker I've ever experienced."

_I'm the best, baby,_ flashed through Shane's mind, and then he pulled off of Sara's cock to cough and clear his throat. 

Only Ryan's hand (was it Ryan's hand?) pulled Shane away, and then the wet head of Ryan's cock traced the line of Shane's lips, spreading wetness along them. 

Shane's tongue darted out, tasting salt and bitterness, and then the cock in his mouth was warm skin instead of cool silicone. It went all the way into his mouth. His head was tilted back, his mouth opened wider. 

Ryan went deeper, down his throat, and Shane wasn't gagging much although it was definitely uncomfortable. He tried to swallow around Ryan's cock and failed, although Ryan moaned anyway, his hips jerking and jabbing the back of Shane's throat with the head of his cock.

Shane's voice was going to be _wrecked_ after this. 

"God, Shane, your mouth," Ryan said, curling forward, his belly against Shane's nose and his balls against Shane's chin. They were a lot softer than the silicone ones, thank fuck. 

Now he was thinking about silicone truck nuts, and he wasn't sure if it made him roll his eyes or snicker - he ended up making a wet, sputtering noise around Ryan's cock. 

"What's so funny?" Ryan pulled out, and his cock was wet and flushed, Shane's drool plastering down his pubic hair. That was a sight, all right - Shane's own cock twitched against his belly, drooling more pre-come down onto his thighs. 

"Truck nuts," Shane croaked. 

"...What?" Ryan looked faintly nonplussed.

"Truck nuts," Shane repeated. 

"Yeah, we heard you the first time," Sara said. "What's that got to do with anything?" 

"The balls of your toy," said Shane, and he cleared his throat so he could try again. "The balls of your toy are like truck nuts." He sounded a bit better.

Sara looked down at the dildo where it pointed out from between her legs like an exclamation point. “I think I don’t like this toy as much anymore.”

“Don’t let unpleasant associations ruin it,” Ryan said, and he patted her thigh. It was such a “cheer up, old chum” sort of pat that Shane started to cackle. Ryan rolled his eyes, prodding Shane in the side with one foot. 

“Quiet, you,” said Sara. 

“Make me,” said Shane, surprising all three of them. 

“Well,” said Sara, “if you insist.” Then her fingers clutched at the hair on the back of his head, tilting his head back and sliding the dildo in. She gave a few shallow thrusts, the underside of the dildo gliding along Shane’s tongue. It was still lubricated with Shane’s spit; in fact frankly it was a slimy mess. 

“You were kind of asking for that, big guy,” said Ryan. He actually _stood up_ to crowd closer to Shane. His cock was too high up to touch Shane’s face, where it was in Sara’s lap, but all Shane had to do was get up on his knees and turn his neck…

Shane made eye contact with Ryan with his mouth still full of Sara’s cock. And then he winked, because even if he was trying to pull off the whole “sexy” thing he had to be _himself_ , after all. 

“Oh my god, Shane,” Ryan groused, but there wasn’t much venom in it.

Shane grinned - inasmuch as he could - and pulled off of Sara’s cock, giving a little kiss to the head. He got up on his knees and moved his head to the side, his neck craning awkwardly. He held Ryan’s cock in his fist, licking along the head and then sucking it into his mouth while stroking along the shaft. 

Sara stood up as well - her cock pressed against his cheek, and he let go of Ryan’s cock to suck on the head of it, then back to Ryan’s. Sara moaned, thrusting forward, and he wrapped his hand around the base of her cock as he took Ryan’s cock deeper into his mouth until it was in his throat again. 

Shane tilted his head back, still jerking off Sara, the silicone slick in his hand. Sara had a hand on his shoulder, probably to keep her balance. She moaned when he did something particularly twisty with his wrist, her hips rolling forward. He must have been pressing the toy against her clit. 

“I can see it in your throat,” Sara said, her voice shaky. 

“What, really?” Ryan sounded surprised. He pulled his cock out in one slick move, and Shane coughed, trying to catch his breath.

“Warn a guy,” Shane gasped out, and his voice cracked. 

“I thought I should warn you if I was putting my dick _in_ your mouth, not taking it out,” said Ryan. His hair stuck out at weird angles - Sara must have run her fingers through it, or maybe yanked at it.

“Dick-related warnings in general are a good thing,” said Shane. 

“I’ll keep that in mind for the future,” Ryan said, his voice solemn. 

“Shane,” said Sara, “here’s my dick-related warning. I’m putting mine back in your mouth.”

“Good to know,” Shane said, and he opened his mouth again. His jaw was getting sore. It was a good thing they didn’t have work tomorrow, or he’d probably get a _whole_ lot of ribbing. Not that he cared. He would probably have agreed to go along with Ryan’s stupid ghost theories right then and there if it meant he could stay in this floating place. Every nerve seemed to be firing separately, all at once. 

Sara pushed her cock as deep as it would go - Shane’s drool soaked into the fabric of the harness. The cock down Shane’s throat was borderline painful, but as horny as he was he could have cut his leg off without noticing. Shane groaned around the strap-on as Ryan’s fingers went to his neck, gentle, almost ticklish. 

“Jesus,” Ryan said. “You weren’t kidding.” 

Shane made a big show of swallowing - or at least trying to. His Adam’s apple bobbed, and Ryan made a surprised noise. 

“I’m taking it out now,” Sara told Shane, and then she withdrew again and Ryan’s hand was in Shane’s hair. Ryan’s cock moved against Shane’s lower lip and then into Shane’s mouth, the head pressing into the inside of his cheek.

Shane sucked, his head spinning. He was _so_ horny, the kind of arousal that seemed to transcend his body and inhabit the air around him. Sara and Ryan inhabited some other dimension, some place beyond flesh. They were voices, they were presences, but the bodies so close to his own were here too, and those _also_ belonged to Sara and Ryan. Human beings were bodies, and they were more than bodies. _He_ was a body, and also more than a body. 

…Shane was spacing out, although Ryan didn’t seem to mind. Ryan’s hands held onto Shane’s head, keeping Shane in place, and Ryan fucked Shane’s face. His cock throbbed against Shane’s tongue, and he panted, grunting. And then… silence, apart from the occasional wet sound. 

Shane opened his eyes and looked up, blinking through his sticky eyelashes. His eyes were still streaming with tears from all the throat stimulation. 

They were kissing. One of Ryan’s hands cupped Sara’s jaw, his fingers brushing over the thin hair at her temple. Sara kissed him back, her jaw working as her tongue did who knew what in his mouth. 

Shane moaned around Ryan’s cock, and Ryan moaned into Sara’s mouth while thrusting into Shane’s - short little jabs of his hips. It made Shane gag, although he stayed on. Shane reached up to jerk off Sara’s cock, grinding the base of the dildo against Sara’s clit purposefully and Sara moaned, her knees shaking and her thighs squeezing together. _I want to eat her out,_ flashed through Shane’s mind and he pulled off of Ryan’s cock to tell her, only to be caught by a coughing fit. 

“This is fucking amazing,” Sara said, “but I think Shane may die.”

“Not gonna die,” Shane said, his voice rougher than he intended it to be, “but I think I need a glass of water.” 

“That’s probably a good idea,” Sara agreed, and she disentangled herself reluctantly to make her way towards the kitchen. The dildo bobbed in front of her with every step she took.

Shane was hit with an urge - an urge to tease, to entice. And who was he to refuse his urges? Especially now. “I want to eat you out,” Shane called after her, or at least, he tried to. “I want your clit to throb under my tongue and your pussy to soak me from eyebrows to collarbone.” His voice cracked the way it had in puberty.

Sara stopped walking, her back going stiff. Shane could see the muscles in her ass clenching as well, framed wonderfully by the straps of the harness. “You can’t just _say_ that,” she scolded, turning around to give him a Look. “Especially when your voice sounds like… _that_!”

“Sorry,” Shane said, and he didn’t mean it in the slightest. 

“So spitroasting,” Ryan said brightly. Possibly too brightly. He had kicked his boxers off and was now in just his t-shirt, his cock pointing out straight in front of him like a compass. 

Not that Shane was doing much better - his own cock was stiff, almost painful, and pointing up towards his chin. “Spitroasting,” Shane echoed. 

“Who gets which end?” Sara, glass of water in hand, made her way back to the two of them. 

“Which end would you like?” Ryan sounded as if he was talking about splitting a piece of cake, not… well, fucking Shane. There was something disgustingly hot about being spoken about like this. As if he was just their toy to play with, and who cared about his thoughts on the matter?

“I think you’ll get more out of his mouth, personally,” said Sara, and she crouched down in front of Shane to hand him the glass of water.

Shane took it and drank, somewhat dazed. With the pause in all the action, everything seemed to rush back to him. It was less overwhelming and more, all at the same time. It was just… happening.

Ryan put a hand on top of Shane’s head, ruffling his hair. “How you doing, big guy?”

Shane gave an internal assessment, trying to get something like his bearings. “I think my knees are starting to hurt,” he said. 

“Perfect segue to go to the bed,” Sara said brightly. 

"I don't wanna look like a mall cop," Shane mumbled, but he stood up, his legs shaking. His head was still spinning and he was staggering, just a bit. All of the blood in his body was in his dick, which throbbed like a toothache. 

Ryan's fingers wrapped around Shane's cock and Shane moaned, one hand on Ryan's shoulder as he leaned all of his weight on Ryan. "You are leaking like a faucet," Ryan told Shane, and he gathered more pre-come from the tip of Shane's cock, spreading it along the length of his shaft.

Shane shivered, his mouth falling open and his eyes sliding shut. "I can only take so much of this," he mumbled. 

"So much of what?" Ryan's hand left Shane's cock and rested on Shane's shoulder. Getting it sticky, which... welp. He'd had a feeling he'd be taking another shower. 

"So much... sexy," Shane said. His voice was still cracked and rough. "I'm too old for this. I'll die, and you'll have to lie to the tabloids and tell them that I was snorting coke or something."

"Why do you think that the tabloids would care about you being dead?" Sara took Shane by the hand and twined their fingers together, walking him towards the bedroom.

Shane followed after her, his bare feet sinking into the carpet. "Well, obviously, I'm a big star," said Shane. "You'll be fending off the fuckin'... National Enquirer!"

"Are they even still around?" Ryan turned the light on in the bedroom and Shane blinked in the brightness. 

"I don't see why they wouldn't be," said Shane as he flopped onto the bed, flat on his back. He slung an arm over his face to block the overhead light out. 

"Isn't print media supposed to be dying out?" The bed dipped down as Ryan sat next to him. He was just close enough that Shane could faintly feel the warmth of his body. 

Shane reached out to pat Ryan on the thigh awkwardly, and Ryan sighed, his fingers combing through Shane's hair. 

"I don't know right now," Shane said. 

"Weren't you a journalism major?" Sara climbed between Shane's legs, forcing them open. 

"... No," said Shane. "Film, remember?" 

"Right," said Sara, and she kissed the head of his cock. 

Shane groaned - he hadn't been expecting that - and then he shuddered as she gave him a long, slow stroke. 

"You ready to get fucked?" It shouldn't have been that sexy when she said it, or maybe it should have been sexy but he should have responded with something glib. Maybe something like _you mean I'm not already, living in this economy?_ or something like that. 

Instead, Shane said "yes," with his cracking, croaking voice. 

Sara licked her lips and looked at him, her face red, her eyes dark. "Roll over," she said. 

"You don't want to watch my face while I'm getting fucked?" Shane rolled over onto his stomach, his arms loose at his sides. His cock was sandwiched between his belly and the bed, and it took a good deal of self control to not hump it like a horny teenager. 

"I wanna do an Eiffel Tower with Ryan," Sara said, "and you can't suck his dick on your back. I mean, you can, but not so you can do an Eiffel tower.” 

"Oh my _god_ , Sara," said Ryan, and he was laughing. "Seriously?"

"What?" Sara's voice was... obnoxiously innocent, as her hands went to Shane's hips and then to Shane's ass. "I can't have some gross, patriarchal fantasies?"

Shane pushed his face into the sheets and groaned again. "We can talk about the patriarchy, or I can keep my boner." 

"Are you saying that you can't talk about serious social issues while getting fucked?" Sara's hands held Shane's ass open. 

"Yes," said Shane. "Yes, I am saying that. There are... mmm... there are only so many things I can talk about and keep a boner. I'm an old fogy like that. So sue me." He groaned as Ryan grabbed him by the hair. 

Ryan snorted, shifting so that his legs bracketed Shane's shoulders, his thigh against Shane's cheek. He sighed when Shane nuzzled into it, then made an indignant sound when Shane nipped him. "Ow! What was that for?"

"'Cause I could," said Shane, and he grinned at Ryan, waggling his eyebrows.

"You're such a fucking weirdo," said Ryan, and his hand went to the back of Shane's head, his palm covering the curve of Shane's skull. "How about you go back to sucking my dick?" 

"You could be a little more... I dunno, fancy about it," said Shane.

"Would you be so kind as to let me insert my penis into your oral cavity?" Ryan said in a deadpan monotone. 

"Oh my _god_ ," Shane groaned, and he laughed even as the head of Ryan's cock rested on his lower lip. 

“If you two keep that up, _I’m_ gonna lose my boner,” Sara informed them. 

“You can’t lose your boner,” Ryan said, guiding Shane’s mouth back onto his cock. “It’s made of silicone.”

“If I’m outraged enough, I’m sure it’ll find a way. Sympathetic… something or other.” The tip of Sara’s finger probed the rim of Shane’s hole and Shane shuddered, sucking clumsily at Ryan’s cock. His jaw was starting to ache, and his throat was getting sore. When he was lying in bed that night, he’d be able to press his thumb into the hinge of his jaw and feel it all over again. 

That gave him another shudder, and that, in turn, made Ryan groan and roll his hips forward, his cock going deeper into Shane’s mouth and down Shane’s throat. 

“I guess we better keep you happy, huh,” Ryan said. “I don’t know how to wake up a silicone dick after it’s lost its boner.” He rolled his hips again, combed his fingers through Shane’s hair. The tip of one traced along the edge of Shane’s ear. 

“Looking at the two of you like that,” Sara said thickly, “I’d perk right up again.” 

Shane pulled off Ryan’s cock, licking his swollen lips. “You’ll make my head swell up, if you’re not careful.”

“I dunno,” Sara said, pressing closer to Shane, her hand sliding between the mattress and Shane’s belly to palm his cock. “It feels pretty swelled up to me….”

“Your head is already too big,” Ryan said. 

“Yeah,” Shane said, pulling off and wiping his wet mouth on the back of his hand, “but if it wasn’t, would I be this good at _giving_ head?”

“He’s got you there,” said Sara, and then her fingertip slid into Shane’s ass, aided by lube. When had she grabbed the lube? Shane must have missed that. It was pretty easy to miss things when Ryan’s hands were pulling on his hair like that, when Ryan’s cock was sliding in and out of his mouth, heavy on his tongue. 

“I guess you do have extra room for my dick,” Ryan said, and then he shuddered, his eyes glued to Shane’s red mouth. “Fuck, okay. Gonna take a break, or I'll come too fast and Sara won't get her Eiffel Tower.”

“I do appreciate the sacrifices you make for me,” Sara said, pressing a kiss to Shane’s lower back, her finger all the way inside him. 

Shane groaned, his sweaty cheek resting on Ryan's equally sweaty thigh. They were going to need a goddamn spatula to separate them, or maybe one of those things they used to clean off grills at diners. 

…That was a tangent. He must have been flying pretty goddamn high.

“You doin’ okay, Shane?” Ryan was still petting him, and Shane nuzzled into Ryan’s palm and kissed it. 

“I’m doing _great_ ,” Shane said. “Especially since… oh, fuck, Sara!” His whole body went stiff, then practically liquid as Sara’s finger pressed down on his prostate.

“Found it,” Sara sing-songed. 

“I think you turned him off,” Ryan said, chuckling. 

“I assure you,” Shane said, his voice muffled by Ryan’s thigh, “I am the _opposite_ of turned off.”

“So turned on?” Sara sounded amused, and her finger shifted just enough to make Shane see stars behind his eyelids.

"Yeah," Shane said. "That. That thing. On." 

"I think you broke him," Ryan said. His cock was still leaking pre-come, and the mix of it and saliva left a sticky, slimy mess across Shane's cheek up towards Shane’s eyebrow. 

Shane wanted to say something like _I'm not broken_ , except Sara added a second finger. He groaned and panted into Ryan's thigh instead, because that seemed like a productive thing to do. Well, less like a productive thing to do, more like the _only_ thing to do. 

"Nah," said Sara. "Just rebooted." She twisted her fingers and they dug into Shane's prostate, filling him up. 

Shane's eyes rolled back into his head and he stopped moving, stopped thinking, probably stopped breathing. His body acted on its own, without actually consulting him. If he'd had any say in the matter, he probably wouldn't be making all these embarrassing noises, or squirming back against Sara. He'd probably have made a witty quip, or maybe said something funny.

He was too full to be ironic or witty or funny. He was just a mind in a body, a body that was anchored to a bed by flesh and bone, a body that was too heavy for the spirit inside of him, but _oh_ , to have nerves and skin. He pressed a clumsy kiss to Ryan's thigh and then up to Ryan's belly, in some vain hope that he'd be able to share some of the feelings brimming out of him like an overflowing cup. 

Sara added a third finger, and Shane made a desperate, broken noise, his back bowing. He held onto Ryan's hip with one hand, his thumb dragging across the divot of it. His other hand clutched at the sheets, white-knuckled. 

"You're so tight," Sara said, and kissed him again, along the knobs of his spine. "C'mon, Shane. Relax."

He mumbled something about trying to, and then she curled her fingers again and his hips jerked forward, the head of his cock gliding across bed. "Sara, I'm ready," he said, and he mostly meant it. "Please. Put it in. Please."

"Are you sure?" She twisted her fingers inside him, and he pressed his forehead into Ryan's belly, trying to catch his breath. Trying to keep from melting away like so much ice and trickling down onto the floor. 

"Your fingers... are thicker than the dick," Shane said thickly. "I'll be good."

"I think you'll be good, regardless," Ryan said, and he had Shane's hair in his hand, twisting it enough to make Shane look him in the eye.

"Is that... some kind of assurance of my pleasure, or some kinda kinky... bossing me around thing?" Shane tried to sound disaffected, but it was hard to do that while being fingered with a cock in your face. 

"Porque no los dos?" Ryan raised an eyebrow and somehow managed to look devastatingly sexy, his cheeks pink and his hair shaggy and fluffy. 

"You are _not_ memeing at me right now," Shane said. Sara had removed her fingers and there were wet sounds behind them, and a crinkle. Presumably, she was putting a condom on the toy and lubing it up. "No. I refuse. There is a time and a place, and this is _not_ the time for... oh, fuck, _Sara_!"

The head of Sara's cock had slid into Shane's ass, the head breaching him, the shaft following it in a long, slow glide. It was more solid than Ryan's cock - Ryan's cock, which was throbbing against Shane's cheek. It was also colder, which made sense - there wasn't any blood pumping through it. It was just silicone. 

"Wow," said Sara, and her voice was rough. "You took it all the way to the green. Almost to the blue." She rolled her hips forward a bit, and the head of the dildo brushed against Shane's prostate, making Shane cry out again and clench around it. 

"Why not to the blue?" Ryan was making eye contact with Sara and biting his lip. His cock was very hard and hot against Shane's cheek. The contrast was interesting - cold, solid cock in his ass; hot, solid cock against his cheek. 

"It's pretty much hidden by the harness," said Sara. "I'd have to take it out of the harness to do that, and I think Shane likes it too much like this. Don't you, babe?" She thrust her hips forward, a shallow little push, and Shane groaned like he was in pain.

It almost was pain. Could pleasure burn you up inside like this? Shane should have known by now, he’d been having sex for who knew how long. He’d been having _good_ sex for fuck knew how long (or who knew how fuck - wait, no, that made no sense), and here he was, having some kind of… what, epiphany? 

And now Ryan’s hand was at to the back of Shane’s head, and Ryan’s other hand was on his own dick, guiding it towards Shane’s mouth. “You ready, buddy?” 

Instead of saying anything, Shane took the head of Ryan’s cock into his mouth, hollowing out his cheeks and fluttering his tongue along the tip. He was aware that he was making loud, wet noises, slurping like he was eating a popsicle, sticky and sloppy. Ryan’s cock was familiar at this point where it rested on his tongue, pressing into the back of his throat. He relaxed into it as much as he could, and let himself sink into his own body. 

He was a thing made of meat and bone. He was a thing of nerves, of blood, of beating heart and soft skin. He was aware of things happening on the periphery of his senses, but none of it was happening to him right now. There was a cock in him - _two_ cocks in him - and they were taking and giving pleasure. 

Sara was fully seated inside of him, and then Ryan was all the way inside of his mouth - he was being squeezed like an accordion. He probably would have made equally weird noises if he was reinflated, now that he thought about it. 

He snorted around Ryan's dick and Ryan looked down at him, confused. "Something funny?" He helped Shane move back off his dick, and Shane mumbled _accordion_ and then put his mouth back on Ryan's dick. 

"Okay, so maybe we did break him," said Ryan, and then he moaned because Shane was sucking again, clumsily bobbing his head. 

"We'll put him back together," Sara said with confidence, and then she pushed her dick in deeper leaned forward to kiss along Shane's sweaty back. "Ryan, you're gonna help me achieve my Eiffel Tower imaginings, right?" 

"I do aim to please," said Ryan, leaning forward, and Shane gagged as Ryan's cock went even deeper and his nose mashed into Ryan's belly. 

There was a sound, and it took Shane a second to figure out what it was - a high five. He would have said something like, _are you really high fiving over me while fucking me?_ but his mouth was a bit full. 

The both of them were moving gently, just enough that he could feel it, just enough that if they stopped he might die. There was a wet sound overhead, and he wondered if they were kissing. If they'd be able to reach each other, when they were sandwiching him between them like this. Then again, most of his height was in his legs, not his torso. He didn’t have much in the way of torso. 

Sara moaned and shifted her hips, circling them, and Shane was stuffed to the fucking gills. He swallowed around Ryan's cock, and then he gagged and Ryan withdrew a bit, letting him breathe.

"Up on your knees," Sara said, and Shane did as he was told, getting up on his knees, up on his hands, still getting his face mashed forward, still getting his ass filled and filled. 

Shane was being _used_. 

Shane was being used to fulfill Sara's fantasy, he was being used to get Ryan off. He wasn't being quippy or smart or funny, he wasn't playing his weirdness up for the camera. Sara and Ryan didn't want anything from him but himself - they wanted his ass, his mouth, his flesh and bone. They were taking pleasure in _him_ , in his most basic self, and it was perfect. 

He moaned around the cock in his mouth, clenched around the cock in his ass. The rubbing of the sheets against his cock was turning into something like torture - he was going to come, and it wouldn't matter. Whatever _he_ felt wouldn’t matter, because he was here to provide pleasure, to fulfill a fantasy. He lost himself in the sensations - the drag and pull on the head of his cock against the slimy sheets, the ache in his jaw, the arousal building at the base of his spine, the weight of Ryan's cock on his tongue, the heat of Sara's hands on his hips. 

Time went away, and he just... felt things. They were still using him - Sara fucked into him with deeper, longer strokes; she nearly pulled all the way out, then pushed back in, filling him up and forcing him further onto Ryan's cock. Ryan had his hands on either side of Shane's head, the heel of one hand digging into Shane's temple, his fingers tangled Shane's hair. He was holding Shane in place as he fucked up into Shane's mouth. Shane was gagging, drooling - everything was slick and gooey, saturated with sweat, with pre-come, with saliva and lube.

Shane's face was sticky against Ryan's thigh and against his fingers, and Shane's back was beginning to arch as his own pleasure took hold of him. He was humping the bed, humping back against Sara's cock. He was a shameless, horny mess, and that was... that was fine. It was more than fine, it was exactly what he wanted, exactly what he _needed_. He hadn't realized just how badly he'd needed to turn his brain off, and yet... here he was, gagging on Ryan's cock. It was beginning to swell in his mouth, in his throat.

"I'm going to come," Ryan said, and his voice was thick. "Fuck, Shane, I'm gonna come, oh _god_ , can I... your face, your mouth, what?"

_I'm going to have to take your dick out of my mouth to answer that,_ thought Shane, and instead he pushed his face further into Ryan's lap, forcing Ryan's cock deeper down his throat. He moaned when Ryan's cock pulsed, and then there was come sliding down Shane's throat, thick and gooey. 

It was gross and it was satisfying, the way any job well done can be. Ryan groaned when Shane sucked a little harder, and then Ryan shoved him off, panting and leaning back against the headboard. Ryan's cock started to soften, hot and sticky against Shane's cheek, and Shane nuzzled it again. As wonderful as Ryan’s hard cock was, Shane was equally fond of it soft - there was something sweet about its vulnerability, the delicateness. 

“God, he sucked you dry, didn’t he?” Sara sounded amused, and then she pressed her breasts into Shane’s back, and her mouth was wet and hot against Shane’s shoulder, her hair ticklish.

“He sure made an attempt,” Ryan agreed. He cupped Shane’s cheek, and his thumb pressed against the sore hinge of Shane’s jaw. “You did a good job, big guy.”

“I aim to… pleasure,” Shane croaked, and maybe he was a bit mixed up, what with one thing and another. Then he made a desperate noise as Sara grabbed him by the hips, forcing him upright and fucking him harder. 

“All I want you to aim for is an orgasm,” Sara told him. “Come on my cock, Shane. Do it.”

“Oh _god_ , that’s too fucking hot,” Ryan groaned, and he covered his face. “Don’t be so hot when I’ve gotten off already.” 

“I’m the worst," Sara agreed, giving another thrust that forced Shane forward and made his cock bounce against his belly, no longer rubbing against the sheets. “Come on, Shane. I can tell you’re almost there. You gonna do it?”

“I’m… gonna, just… give me… a… _fuck_!”

“I’m already giving you a fuck. I’m fucking you,” said Sara, and then her hand came around to squeeze his cock, a long, deep stroke. 

Ryan’s thumb was in Shane's mouth - when had that happened? Huh. 

Shane sucked on it and humped back against the dildo, against Sara’s hips, and he looked up into Ryan’s face only to see Ryan’s gaze flicking between his face and Sara’s, drinking them in. And somehow, that did _something_ to Shane, who the fuck knew, except he was _coming_ , god he was coming, coming so hard that he saw white behind his eyes. He pulsed in Sara’s hand, and she held him through it. The pleasure was hot and sweet, rushing over him like a wave and yanking his bearings out from under him like undertow.

_Lots of ocean metaphors in this orgasm,_ went through Shane’s head, and he went limp, panting and utterly wrung out.

“That was smoking hot,” Sara said. She sounded faintly awestruck. 

“Did it live up to the fantasy?” Ryan’s voice vibrated across Shane’s skin, almost itchy.

“Oh _yeah_ ,” Sara said, her tone fervent. “Although, god….” She pulled out of Shane, slowly, carefully, and he was empty.

“Baby,” Shane rasped, and he rolled onto his back clumsily, looking over the line of his body at her. “Baby, sit on my face.”

“I love to hear you oralise,” said Sara, and she sat back on her heels, fumbling with the waist of her harness. There was the sound of velcro as she undid the strap on harness, and then she kicked the dildo to the side. It fell off of the bed with a thump and Ryan moved to cradle Shane’s head in his lap. 

“Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you,” Shane said, still dazed.

“You’re quoting Monty Python,” Ryan said, and he sounded somewhere between awed and scandalized.

“There are Monty Python quotes for every occasion,” said Shane. He grunted when Sara’s weight rested on his sternum, and then she scooted closer, the hair on her vulva ticklish against his chin. He opened his mouth to run his tongue along the seam of her labia, and then she pressed even closer. Her thighs were on his ears now, her knees pressing into Ryan’s sides, and her cunt was on Shane's face. Her breasts were pressed against Ryan’s chest, & she let out little whines every time Ryan pinched her nipples. 

Shane put his hands on her hips to keep her in place, and he lapped at the molten core of her pussy and then wrapped his lips around her clit, sucking on it. She shuddered against him, slicking his chin up with arousal, and she moaned, although it was muffled. _Maybe they’re kissing_ ran through his head and he moaned, his hands going to her ass, pulling her still closer. He opened his mouth wider to suck on one of her labia and then to lap at her clit. If he could have he would have fingered her, but… not from this angle. 

Oh well.

Sara rode his face. Her hips rolled, and she let out little desperate moans mixed in with panting. Every time he swirled the tip of his tongue along her clit she would jerk her hips forward again, a tight little shift. Her thighs were like marble, squeezing him tight, and he was going a bit light-headed. Everything tasted of salt and musk where he had his nose against her clit, his tongue fucking her. 

She bounced on his face, her cunt clenching around him, and he moaned into her as she began to tense even more. _She’ll break bones, her muscles are too strong_ passed through his mind, some dazed bit of nonsense, and then he sucked and licked again, his lips around her clit. He flicked the tip of his tongue along the head, and then she cried out as she came, her pussy shuddering against his lips, against his whole face. He was drenched in her arousal, and his jaw was sore enough that he probably needed to ice it.

Fuck, this was _perfect_. 

“Oh my god,” Ryan said, and he sounded shell-shocked. “That was, like, criminally hot.”

“Put it on the next Unsolved episode,” Sara said,giddy, as she climbed off of Shane’s face. Then she leaned down and kissed Shane’s forehead. 

Shane sighed as his eyes fluttered closed. “We can declare it solved,” he mumbled, and yawned, his jaw cracking.

Ryan winced. “That can _not_ have felt nice.”

“You could cut my nose off of my face and I wouldn’t notice right now,” Shane mumbled. “Flyin’ high on all those endorphins.” 

“I’ll eat your face,” Sara said, her tone utterly serious. She was leaning into Ryan, her head on his shoulder and her eyes shut. 

“Don’t eat my face,” Shane said. “I need my face.” He nuzzled into Ryan’s hand as Ryan cupped his cheek. 

“Why do you need your face?” She was teasing, despite sounding utterly wrung out.

“It’s the money maker, baby,” Shane said. “My face, Ryan’s… Ryan-ness.”

“You couldn’t think of any other qualities? Really, dude?” Ryan couldn’t even put the effort in to sound offended. 

Shane cackled, which played royal havoc with his sore jaw. “I’ll think of something when I can think again.”

“I still wanna eat your face,” Sara insisted, and she tweaked the tip of Shane’s nose. 

Shane grabbed her hand and kissed her palm. “I’ll keep it in mind,” he promised. 

“So Ryan,” said Sara, “what kinda fantasies do _you_ have?”

“Hmm?” Ryan yawned, then combed his fingers through Shane’s hair. 

“We did my fantasy,” said Sara. “What about yours?”

“Well,” said Ryan. 

Shane opened his eyes, listening in. “Well?”

“Well… I’m kinda worried it’ll weird you out,” said Ryan. 

“It can’t be any weirder than _scraping corn off of the cob_ ,” said Shane, too fucked out to think of anything particularly witty. 

Sara just cackled, her head still on Ryan’s shoulder. 

Shane looked at Ryan, upside down, and grinned. “C’mon, Ryan. Can’t be worse than that.” 

“Well, when you put it like that,” said Ryan, and he almost looked like he was convinced.

**Author's Note:**

> The dildo this is based on is [this one](https://www.bondara.co.uk/ml/11/f-enlargev2/products/bf46.jpg)


End file.
